you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
