I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
