And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We need to get me chipped asap
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
