I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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