he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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