i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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