I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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