I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
