i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
