Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
