I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
