oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My ATM looks so different sober.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
