Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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