Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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