whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
