There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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