i just google imaged poop.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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