It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
