when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
