Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
if i died would you start the facebook group?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
