she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize