I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
This is my gift to your gina
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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