I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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