Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
