I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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