i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think I sprained my soul last night
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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