I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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