tell your sister to shave her snatch
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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