If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
