i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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