if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
