Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
