that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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