i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I am mentally ready for anal.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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