he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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