dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
