You just made me feel so damn special
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
