I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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