chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
