hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize