Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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