great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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