Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
