so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
