dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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