you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
