That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize