So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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