i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize