I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
