You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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