i just wanna soil my oats bro
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
