K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
