Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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