I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
