Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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