med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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