grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
