The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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