I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
