A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
