I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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