Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
