His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
