at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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