I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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