I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
