and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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