So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
