If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
