i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
