Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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